I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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