when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
