Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
