Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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