I can't watch pbs sober anymore
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
