Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
