i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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