Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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