I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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