so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
