What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
