I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
