It was confusing and full of hummus
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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