Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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