Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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