it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
