I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I would ride that face into the sunset
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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