Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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