I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
