so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
