suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
40s are totally the cure
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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