At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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