Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize