I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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