My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
