Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
