I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize