I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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