My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
