yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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