Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
