And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
