i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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