So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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