Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
