You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
