He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
