guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
