you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
