Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
