I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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