he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize