too bad you live with your parents still
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
