Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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