and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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