I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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