I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Randomize
