Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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