There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
