How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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