The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
