Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Randomize
