So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
