Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
