She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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