i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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