in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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