I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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