I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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