So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
