I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
