I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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