There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
