Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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