Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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