Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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