How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
When did angry sex become our thing?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
