If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
