Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
