I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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