Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
