i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize