To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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