I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
